I've got to figure out a way to get my old archives over here. But, oh well for now.
My life has been a big blurry, non-stop roller coaster. My husband is gone during the weekdays, and I am basically a single mom with a full-time job and a second full time job (which is the book.) And I guess being a single mom is also a full-time gig, which means that I am basically working three full-time jobs.
And it feels that way, too.
Last week, I felt like I was going to break. On Friday morning, just after 6 a.m., I was up and getting all of the kids ready. "Where are your jeans so I can iron them?" I asked my sleepy eyed daughter.
And she threw a fit and stomped her feet all the way back to her bedroom to find a pair of jeans in that jungle of a room. And I just kind of lost it.
I just started crying. Hysterically. "I. Can't. Do. This."
I stomped my own feet into my bedroom and fell into my warm blankets, and just sobbed. And sobbed.
And then my son, sensing my pain, offered to help get the 2-year-old ready, and my daughter straightened right up and we were finally out the door when I threw my glasses on, because it was still dark and I couldn't see a thing.
"Oh, great!"
One of the lenses had popped out. So, there I was, crazy-looking momma, still fighting back the tears, wearing glasses with only one lense. But at 6:30 a.m., I didn't care. I was internally daring someone, anyone to make any kind of comment about the state that I was in.
The ride back home--after dropping off four children--was a quiet one. I felt my throat tighten and there it was again, that pain. That pain in my throat that had been scaring me for a few weeks now. I decided that this would be the day I would finally take care of me.
And so I scheduled a doctor's appointment and around 10, I was leaving work to see Julia Harris, MD. I showed up with swollen eyes. The mixture between crying and the sore throat and the heaviness of what is my life right now didn't translate so beautifully.
I filled out the paperwork, quickly. And as I turned it in, the receptionist says to me "Oh, honey, we don't take that insurance."
And with that, the dam broke.
I cried right then and there. ("Oh honey, I wish you would have told me that when I CALLED!", I was thinking.")
I handed over my paperwork and stepped outside. My van was right in front of me, but instead of leaving, I just sat there on the concrete step, and buried my face into both hands. I knew I just needed five minutes.
And then I picked myself up again and went back to work. Back to the cube. Back to the fear that has overcome me within the last few weeks. You know ... "the" fear. As in, what is it's ... ? I won't even go there.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I feel ...
physically ill today.
It began yesterday morning as I was flipping pancakes. With each flip, came this sort of wave of nausea, and I thought: What is that? What is that wave of nausea doing anywhere around me this morning? Get away.
I had to get myself away and I made my way to the bedroom, where hubby was sitting in front of the computer, watching these videos about knot-tieing for Fire School. "I don't feel so well," I told him.
He must have seen the look in my eye -- or the fear on my face -- when he simply said: "You are not pregnant. I know you are not."
Well, how do you know? And, I was absolutely agreeing with him 100 percent. I know, I could not. should not. better not be. You know? That would just be horrible. Three in day care?! Nope. I'd have to quit my job if that happened. I mean, what else would we be able to do.
Those were the kind of thoughts that were racing through my (already very) weary mind at the moment.
I decided I would hit the dollar store for a pregnancy test--as I have always done before. You know, I just needed to make sure, to be absolutely sure that there could be no chance, as I have a Mirena (IUD), which means that statistically, the chances of that would be about .01 percent.
But, still, the thought of it -- for me -- was rather terrifying. Three children in day care. Three whining, crying, fit-throwing children ... who are all delights, ofcourse. But, if you are a mom (or a parent), you know that raising a child is physical labor. Am I right?
And it's like at times, I wonder why I have to pay for day care. (Well, you know ... $15,000 each year is a hefty, hefty bill that we now own.) Yep. Some days, I think I should be getting a pay check for the physical, mental work that is associated with being an engaged parent.
I mean, when my children serve me up tiny tea-cups of toilet water; and when they do things like oh ... open a bottle of hair spray and put it back in your purse, then it's sometimes like ... where are the cameras? This can't be really happening to me. But, there I am in the end, and it's just me and the kids (and hubby, although he is away.)
And there is no audience. It's just me and my babies, you know. (And my baby, hubby.) And so, when my hubby comes home and tells me that on their breaks, when the other guys go to Hooters, he stays in the dorm and gets into the Word. And then, when I am driving the kids to school and my dear daughter says to me "Thank you for all you do, mom." ...
Well, that is my pay check. And they are my audience. It works, and I thank God every day for it. For them. My family.
--Oh, and ofcourse, how could I forget? The test was negative. Heh. "Thank you, Lord. You know what I can handle right now. I knew it. I always know it. Thank you, God ... "
It began yesterday morning as I was flipping pancakes. With each flip, came this sort of wave of nausea, and I thought: What is that? What is that wave of nausea doing anywhere around me this morning? Get away.
I had to get myself away and I made my way to the bedroom, where hubby was sitting in front of the computer, watching these videos about knot-tieing for Fire School. "I don't feel so well," I told him.
He must have seen the look in my eye -- or the fear on my face -- when he simply said: "You are not pregnant. I know you are not."
Well, how do you know? And, I was absolutely agreeing with him 100 percent. I know, I could not. should not. better not be. You know? That would just be horrible. Three in day care?! Nope. I'd have to quit my job if that happened. I mean, what else would we be able to do.
Those were the kind of thoughts that were racing through my (already very) weary mind at the moment.
I decided I would hit the dollar store for a pregnancy test--as I have always done before. You know, I just needed to make sure, to be absolutely sure that there could be no chance, as I have a Mirena (IUD), which means that statistically, the chances of that would be about .01 percent.
But, still, the thought of it -- for me -- was rather terrifying. Three children in day care. Three whining, crying, fit-throwing children ... who are all delights, ofcourse. But, if you are a mom (or a parent), you know that raising a child is physical labor. Am I right?
And it's like at times, I wonder why I have to pay for day care. (Well, you know ... $15,000 each year is a hefty, hefty bill that we now own.) Yep. Some days, I think I should be getting a pay check for the physical, mental work that is associated with being an engaged parent.
I mean, when my children serve me up tiny tea-cups of toilet water; and when they do things like oh ... open a bottle of hair spray and put it back in your purse, then it's sometimes like ... where are the cameras? This can't be really happening to me. But, there I am in the end, and it's just me and the kids (and hubby, although he is away.)
And there is no audience. It's just me and my babies, you know. (And my baby, hubby.) And so, when my hubby comes home and tells me that on their breaks, when the other guys go to Hooters, he stays in the dorm and gets into the Word. And then, when I am driving the kids to school and my dear daughter says to me "Thank you for all you do, mom." ...
Well, that is my pay check. And they are my audience. It works, and I thank God every day for it. For them. My family.
--Oh, and ofcourse, how could I forget? The test was negative. Heh. "Thank you, Lord. You know what I can handle right now. I knew it. I always know it. Thank you, God ... "
Sunday, January 11, 2009
... coming and going
I'm sad today, because my hubby is leaving again. I know there is only 12 weeks left of this, so I am trying, trying to just suck it up and do it. I am super stressed about the manuscript that I am working on, simply because I do not how I am going to pull it off. I barely have time to keep my 'regular' life together; how in the world am I going to complete a decent manuscript by May 1?
Well, besides being stressed about the book ... today was a beautiful day in the Swamp (the University of Florida football stadium) in Gainesville! My family and I got to be there for the celebration of our third National Football Championship ... and for Tebow's announcement that he was staying his senior year with UF.
We missed the actual announcement because we had to leave about half-way through (kids were hungry, etc., etc.). But, we had such a blast! And, can you believe my husband tried to walk out the door wearing a red shirt?! "And ... where are you going with that red shirt?" I asked him.
"What? I left my jersey at school ..."
"Well then find something white or grey ..."
"Why?" he asked.
"Why?" "Because my husband is not going to be the only person in that whole stadium wearing an ugly red shirt!"
I think he got the point. And he donned the grey shirt. (I mean, besides, I drank toilet water yesterday. Are we all trying to drive mommy crazy here?!)
Well, besides being stressed about the book ... today was a beautiful day in the Swamp (the University of Florida football stadium) in Gainesville! My family and I got to be there for the celebration of our third National Football Championship ... and for Tebow's announcement that he was staying his senior year with UF.
We missed the actual announcement because we had to leave about half-way through (kids were hungry, etc., etc.). But, we had such a blast! And, can you believe my husband tried to walk out the door wearing a red shirt?! "And ... where are you going with that red shirt?" I asked him.
"What? I left my jersey at school ..."
"Well then find something white or grey ..."
"Why?" he asked.
"Why?" "Because my husband is not going to be the only person in that whole stadium wearing an ugly red shirt!"
I think he got the point. And he donned the grey shirt. (I mean, besides, I drank toilet water yesterday. Are we all trying to drive mommy crazy here?!)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Tea party (and toilet water)
So, it was all innocent enough. I was on the phone and my toddler, Eli, had been bringing me tiny, empty porcelain tea cups. "Momma! For you!" he'd squeel and I'd grab the cup and pretend-sip from it.
"Mmmmm ... Thank you!" I'd say, each time.
I had been chatting on the phone with a good friend--outside on my balcony--when I heard him again, banging on my door. "Momma! For youuuuuu!
"Okay, thank you!" And I picked up the tiny porcelain cup and pretend-sipped it; only, this time, I wasn't pretending. Water poured from the tiny cup into my mouth and onto my tank top.
"What the ...."
"What is this?!"
(In the background, I hear my daughter yell to me:)
"I saw Eli getting water from the toilet."
"Ugh! Are you kidding me?! You have got to be kidding me!!"
"Oh. My. Gosh," I said to my girlfriend on the phone. "I just drank toilet water. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!"
"Mmmmm ... Thank you!" I'd say, each time.
I had been chatting on the phone with a good friend--outside on my balcony--when I heard him again, banging on my door. "Momma! For youuuuuu!
"Okay, thank you!" And I picked up the tiny porcelain cup and pretend-sipped it; only, this time, I wasn't pretending. Water poured from the tiny cup into my mouth and onto my tank top.
"What the ...."
"What is this?!"
(In the background, I hear my daughter yell to me:)
"I saw Eli getting water from the toilet."
"Ugh! Are you kidding me?! You have got to be kidding me!!"
"Oh. My. Gosh," I said to my girlfriend on the phone. "I just drank toilet water. Ewwwwwwwwwww!!"
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
HAV F8TH
The last two days have been somewhat of a (sleepy, achy, hurting) blur. On Sunday night, I dragged myself in to work after the baby stayed up from 3-6 a.m. I then pushed through a busy day and wanted to crash, but I had to do it all. over. again.
So, I was all stressed and crying on my way to work the other day -- after those two days sans the sleep -- and I was right around the corner from work when I looked up to see this license plate on this black beamer ... HAV F8TH. Have F ... aith.
God was speaking. And I wanted so badly to tell the driver that God was speaking to me through his license plate. But, I knew that would never and could never happen. And so I made my way to work, but the phrase kept popping in my mind the entire day and I knew that the message was clear: God was telling me to have faith. Even in the midst of all of this junk. I even called Melissa to tell her about how God had just spoken to me. She told me it was not a coincidence.
It was not an accident that I happened to get stuck behind the black beamer on Newberry Road. God needed to get a message to me ... even if it came by way of a random license plate, that I don't actually believe was so random.
Now what do I do with it?
So, I was all stressed and crying on my way to work the other day -- after those two days sans the sleep -- and I was right around the corner from work when I looked up to see this license plate on this black beamer ... HAV F8TH. Have F ... aith.
God was speaking. And I wanted so badly to tell the driver that God was speaking to me through his license plate. But, I knew that would never and could never happen. And so I made my way to work, but the phrase kept popping in my mind the entire day and I knew that the message was clear: God was telling me to have faith. Even in the midst of all of this junk. I even called Melissa to tell her about how God had just spoken to me. She told me it was not a coincidence.
It was not an accident that I happened to get stuck behind the black beamer on Newberry Road. God needed to get a message to me ... even if it came by way of a random license plate, that I don't actually believe was so random.
Now what do I do with it?
Monday, January 5, 2009
To say I'm hurting ...
would be minimizing the pain I am feeling at this moment. (I better fly through this post, I guess.) As I said before, hubby left to fire school yesterday and last night was my first full night without him by my side. I missed him dearly when I went to bed lastnight. I'm not used to an empty bed.
But, I missed him even more around 3 a.m. when I awoke to the baby screaming and trying fiercely to climb out of his little, white prison. He hung onto the bars tightly and just screamed. So, here is how the rest of my night/day went. And trust me when I say, you are not ready for this! I was not ...
• 10 p.m.: In bed.
• 10-12:30 a.m.: Tossing and turning and imagining all of the scary things that could happen without my big, strong hubby.
• 12:35: Ventured downstairs to the medicine cabinet. I needed a Tylenol PM. I figured one would take the edge of; plus my back was killing me. Pain, pain, go away.
• 3:00 a.m.: Up with the baby.
• 3:01, 3:15, 3:30 ... and on and on until 6 a.m.: Up with baby."What is wrong with you?!" I whined back at him. I believe we cried together at one point.
• 6:01: Baby sleeping, and mommy finally lays down.
• 6:10: Waken up by my oldest son, C. "It's 6:10, mom" ... "Okay, wake me up at ... nevermind. There is not time left for sleeping. Everybody rise and shine!"
• 6:30: With four kids in the mom van, we were off.
• 6:50: Baby to day care.
• 7:15: Toddler to his day care. (Yes, they go to two different places.)
• 7:30: Older kids to school
• 7:45: Home, shower and get dressed for work.
• 8:20: Pulling into work
• 1:45: Lunch break. Go home, make a quick sandwich and work on the book. (Which I do Mondays-Thursdays during lunch)
• 2:45-5: Work, work, work. Is it 5 yet?
• 5: Leave work!
• 5:30: Picking up baby.
• 5:45: Picking up toddler, with baby on hip.
• 6:15: Picking up older kids
• 6:30: Home and make dinner (Can everyone say "Frozen dinners?!")
• 7:00: Bath time, homework.
• 7:30: Help daughter study her lines for the upcoming play.
• 8:00: Blog. And now, I am ready to crash.
But, I must let the baby stay up until 9 p.m. because I MUST sleep tonight. I must. Say a prayer for me, because I have to do it ALL over again tomorrow. And for 3 months.
I just realized ... I forgot to eat dinner.
But, I missed him even more around 3 a.m. when I awoke to the baby screaming and trying fiercely to climb out of his little, white prison. He hung onto the bars tightly and just screamed. So, here is how the rest of my night/day went. And trust me when I say, you are not ready for this! I was not ...
• 10 p.m.: In bed.
• 10-12:30 a.m.: Tossing and turning and imagining all of the scary things that could happen without my big, strong hubby.
• 12:35: Ventured downstairs to the medicine cabinet. I needed a Tylenol PM. I figured one would take the edge of; plus my back was killing me. Pain, pain, go away.
• 3:00 a.m.: Up with the baby.
• 3:01, 3:15, 3:30 ... and on and on until 6 a.m.: Up with baby."What is wrong with you?!" I whined back at him. I believe we cried together at one point.
• 6:01: Baby sleeping, and mommy finally lays down.
• 6:10: Waken up by my oldest son, C. "It's 6:10, mom" ... "Okay, wake me up at ... nevermind. There is not time left for sleeping. Everybody rise and shine!"
• 6:30: With four kids in the mom van, we were off.
• 6:50: Baby to day care.
• 7:15: Toddler to his day care. (Yes, they go to two different places.)
• 7:30: Older kids to school
• 7:45: Home, shower and get dressed for work.
• 8:20: Pulling into work
• 1:45: Lunch break. Go home, make a quick sandwich and work on the book. (Which I do Mondays-Thursdays during lunch)
• 2:45-5: Work, work, work. Is it 5 yet?
• 5: Leave work!
• 5:30: Picking up baby.
• 5:45: Picking up toddler, with baby on hip.
• 6:15: Picking up older kids
• 6:30: Home and make dinner (Can everyone say "Frozen dinners?!")
• 7:00: Bath time, homework.
• 7:30: Help daughter study her lines for the upcoming play.
• 8:00: Blog. And now, I am ready to crash.
But, I must let the baby stay up until 9 p.m. because I MUST sleep tonight. I must. Say a prayer for me, because I have to do it ALL over again tomorrow. And for 3 months.
I just realized ... I forgot to eat dinner.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
I said goodbye today.
So, I said goodbye to my hubby today. He is starting fire college, and will be there for 12 weeks; to come home on the weekends only. It sucks in so many ways. He and I are truly partners who help each other 50/50. My load just got twice as heavy; and I have a book manuscript that is due on May 1st.
Not fun doing it all alone. Not fun, but also ... just hard.
I started this blog at about 6 p.m. ... and then, I had to get up to help one of the kids with something, and here it is ... 9:31 p.m. and I am just finally making back. Any sign of the things (and days) to come?
Not fun doing it all alone. Not fun, but also ... just hard.
I started this blog at about 6 p.m. ... and then, I had to get up to help one of the kids with something, and here it is ... 9:31 p.m. and I am just finally making back. Any sign of the things (and days) to come?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Wedding day drama!
Oh my gosh. What am I supposed to do? And why do I feel like I am living in a soap opera? Okay, so I have a really, really good friend. We will call him Joe. Okay, so Joe is getting married in June, to the momma of his 1-year-old baby.
Well, Joe has a really good friend who we'll call Mike. They go out of town for weekends, they hang out. They do more than hang out. You feel me? And Joe's entire family knows about it. So, Joe's mom ends up telling the fiance that Joe and Mike maybe used to be "more than just friends."
Well, the fiance completely writes it off and says that she thinks Mike just had a crush on Joe. So, I get off the phone with Joe's brother, who is upset because he is not the best man in his own brother's wedding. Instead, MIKE IS THE BEST MAN!! So now none of his brothers want to be in the wedding, because they feel like they can't stand up there knowing what they know...that they are pretty much having an affair.
Are you freaking kidding me? (And I am supposed to be at this wedding.)
Well, Joe has a really good friend who we'll call Mike. They go out of town for weekends, they hang out. They do more than hang out. You feel me? And Joe's entire family knows about it. So, Joe's mom ends up telling the fiance that Joe and Mike maybe used to be "more than just friends."
Well, the fiance completely writes it off and says that she thinks Mike just had a crush on Joe. So, I get off the phone with Joe's brother, who is upset because he is not the best man in his own brother's wedding. Instead, MIKE IS THE BEST MAN!! So now none of his brothers want to be in the wedding, because they feel like they can't stand up there knowing what they know...that they are pretty much having an affair.
Are you freaking kidding me? (And I am supposed to be at this wedding.)
Monday, March 24, 2008
I feel bad
because I have all but abandoned this blog. Although, that is only temporary. If you want to know about baby information, come over here!
g@inesvillemoms dot com
Let me know if you have any problems.
g@inesvillemoms dot com
Let me know if you have any problems.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Close-talker made me sick!
I know she did. So, for the last week, the close-talker that I am training has been coming to work hacking and sniffling and sneezing and half asleep because of the cold medicine she is taking. I set her up at another desk, just across from me but she would come and stand right behind me when I was editing her stuff. "I'll let you know when I'm done," I would tell her.
At one point, I just said "If you're this sick, you really shouldn't be here. Not trying to be rude or anything but honestly, I cannot be pregnant and sick at the same time. I have to come in or I don't get paid..."
And then she would back up but five minutes later, its like she had forgotten our entire conversation. You know, the way kids do. On Friday, she was so doped up on her cough medicine that in mid-sentence, she walks away from me. In my mid-sentence, that is. "Alicia," I said. "Alisia, come back please. I'm not done."
So, she's a sweetie. She really is. But honestly, I feel like she is a 15-year-old sweetie, not a 31-year-old grown up. It's so strange.
So, guess what happens to me Saturday morning? I wake up, swollen eyes, sore throat, the whole nine. In between sneezes, I said to my husband "It's that girl from work. She got me sick!"
And I have been miserable for the past two days.
Either way, on Saturday, my big brother got married. He wore a kilt! It was really cute, actually. We are Scottish and I like that he honored our heritage. I'll be posting pictures on my mom blog on Tuesday, and writing about it. I better go rest now. Thanks to close-talker, I am totally feeling miserable.
At one point, I just said "If you're this sick, you really shouldn't be here. Not trying to be rude or anything but honestly, I cannot be pregnant and sick at the same time. I have to come in or I don't get paid..."
And then she would back up but five minutes later, its like she had forgotten our entire conversation. You know, the way kids do. On Friday, she was so doped up on her cough medicine that in mid-sentence, she walks away from me. In my mid-sentence, that is. "Alicia," I said. "Alisia, come back please. I'm not done."
So, she's a sweetie. She really is. But honestly, I feel like she is a 15-year-old sweetie, not a 31-year-old grown up. It's so strange.
So, guess what happens to me Saturday morning? I wake up, swollen eyes, sore throat, the whole nine. In between sneezes, I said to my husband "It's that girl from work. She got me sick!"
And I have been miserable for the past two days.
Either way, on Saturday, my big brother got married. He wore a kilt! It was really cute, actually. We are Scottish and I like that he honored our heritage. I'll be posting pictures on my mom blog on Tuesday, and writing about it. I better go rest now. Thanks to close-talker, I am totally feeling miserable.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
The judge was so rude!
He wouldn't let my husband finish a sentence and after about 10 minutes, said "I've spent enough time on this case. Bye!" And then he hung up. He ordered the girl to drive 30 miles one way to meet us; which means, we are driving 50 miles one way. How is that fair when Florida has established visitation guidelines?! And so, we are going to file an appeal. I mean, the guidelines are the guidelines.
When hubby hung up, he was like..screw this. This makes me not want to even bother and you know what I thought? No wonder so many men throw their arms up and walk away. But I reminded him that he had a responsibility. In a nice way, I told he he had to just suck it up. She never asked to be born into this situation. So, the judge is a jerk and the mom is one, too. This child should not be punished because of the behavior of adults.
Sigh.
Well, you want to see a picture of me 38 weeks pregnant? Here you go: g@inesville moms dot com
Woo-hoo! If you haven't signed up, I totally expect you too.
When hubby hung up, he was like..screw this. This makes me not want to even bother and you know what I thought? No wonder so many men throw their arms up and walk away. But I reminded him that he had a responsibility. In a nice way, I told he he had to just suck it up. She never asked to be born into this situation. So, the judge is a jerk and the mom is one, too. This child should not be punished because of the behavior of adults.
Sigh.
Well, you want to see a picture of me 38 weeks pregnant? Here you go: g@inesville moms dot com
Woo-hoo! If you haven't signed up, I totally expect you too.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Ghetto!
Forgive me in advance, but I am super-annoyed today. I thought it was just me being 38 weeks pregnant. And then I realized what today was. Again, I am super-annoyed so anything is likely to come out of my thoughts.
As most of you know, I have a step-daughter, who is soon-to-be 11. Let me just explain this quickly. She and my husband were never married, never in a dating relationship. He had sex with her a few times probably around 3 a.m., right? When no one was looking, right? And of all the girls in the world that he got pregnant (back in those wild, bad boy days for him) he got the booty-call girl pregnant. You know, the one he would never take out into public. Sounds mean, but you know he was living that lifestyle for many years.
He was never with her. Never. He barely made it to the hospital when the baby was born. I know, what a crappy guy but he will even tell you how crappy he was back then. He decided he would help with the baby, but that he would never be with her. That was not going to happen.
And then he met me and that was that. We were together immediately. She never liked me back then. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was a "white girl." But, whatever. He and I have been together for more than 10 years now and she never was in the picture, except for the child.
She had refused to let him see the child for so long. I mean, she would call him and cuss him out just because she felt like it.
And then we got married and I wasn't going for it. He is my husband. No one in this world has the right to talk to him like that. (But me...lol.) And so we did everything through the court system, because she was screwing him around. One time, he drove two hours to see the child and when he got there (a pre-arranged thing) she wasn't home. He hung out until after 10 p.m. and eventually had to drive back the two hours.
She later called and was like, "Oh, my bad. She was getting her hur (hair) did." Ummm...on a school night?
Idiot.
So we finally got our court case, but we were out of state, in South Carolina. Since we were out of state, the judge ordered us to be responsible for all transportation. Which was fine. But when we moved back, we were supposed to split travel. We were having to drive 600 miles a month for visitation and according to Florida's visitation guidelines, if you live more than 30 miles apart but less than 100, you split travel.
She refused. And so we filed a new motion. She calls him at work. "You trying to take my baby. You ain't gonna get my baby!"
"I am sick of going to court!"
And the she re-opens the child support case, requesting more money.
Errrrrrghhh!
And in her reply to our summons, she talks about how "if he cared about his child, he wouldn't care about oaying for gas." Dumba**...our finances have nothing to do with caring for this child. Do you know how much gas costs these days? And she talks about how "the wife" is not welcome in her home.
I have never had anything to do with her and it just erks me that she acts like she has the right to be bitter - as if he left her for me. As if they were ever in any kind of relationship. She acts like the bitter ex-wife when she is just the bitter ex-booty call.
So she went on to have two other children, all from different men. And baby number two, she doesn't know who the dad is, so she puts MY HUSBAND'S name on her welfare paperwork as being the dad. And the state of Florida made him take a paternity test! When he called her out on it, she's all "They must got yo name from my other case."
Yeah, right.
So, she still doesn't know who that kid's dad is.
Today is our court hearing and you know me, I managed to file a motion to appear telephonically. Muwahahahaha! You don't get to see my husband in person. We requested he not travel out of the county because I am nine months pregnant and the judge approved it.
So, at 11:30, we have a telephone hearing.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
And if you didn't already know, come see me on my work blog at gainesville moms dot com
You can win gift cards, even if you don't live in Gainesville. So, support me, please! Sign up and chat with some of the other bloggers who have made their way over there. Thanks! Oh and please come by and upload some pictures for my contest. Puhlleeeeaaaasssee!!
As most of you know, I have a step-daughter, who is soon-to-be 11. Let me just explain this quickly. She and my husband were never married, never in a dating relationship. He had sex with her a few times probably around 3 a.m., right? When no one was looking, right? And of all the girls in the world that he got pregnant (back in those wild, bad boy days for him) he got the booty-call girl pregnant. You know, the one he would never take out into public. Sounds mean, but you know he was living that lifestyle for many years.
He was never with her. Never. He barely made it to the hospital when the baby was born. I know, what a crappy guy but he will even tell you how crappy he was back then. He decided he would help with the baby, but that he would never be with her. That was not going to happen.
And then he met me and that was that. We were together immediately. She never liked me back then. A lot of it had to do with the fact that I was a "white girl." But, whatever. He and I have been together for more than 10 years now and she never was in the picture, except for the child.
She had refused to let him see the child for so long. I mean, she would call him and cuss him out just because she felt like it.
And then we got married and I wasn't going for it. He is my husband. No one in this world has the right to talk to him like that. (But me...lol.) And so we did everything through the court system, because she was screwing him around. One time, he drove two hours to see the child and when he got there (a pre-arranged thing) she wasn't home. He hung out until after 10 p.m. and eventually had to drive back the two hours.
She later called and was like, "Oh, my bad. She was getting her hur (hair) did." Ummm...on a school night?
Idiot.
So we finally got our court case, but we were out of state, in South Carolina. Since we were out of state, the judge ordered us to be responsible for all transportation. Which was fine. But when we moved back, we were supposed to split travel. We were having to drive 600 miles a month for visitation and according to Florida's visitation guidelines, if you live more than 30 miles apart but less than 100, you split travel.
She refused. And so we filed a new motion. She calls him at work. "You trying to take my baby. You ain't gonna get my baby!"
"I am sick of going to court!"
And the she re-opens the child support case, requesting more money.
Errrrrrghhh!
And in her reply to our summons, she talks about how "if he cared about his child, he wouldn't care about oaying for gas." Dumba**...our finances have nothing to do with caring for this child. Do you know how much gas costs these days? And she talks about how "the wife" is not welcome in her home.
I have never had anything to do with her and it just erks me that she acts like she has the right to be bitter - as if he left her for me. As if they were ever in any kind of relationship. She acts like the bitter ex-wife when she is just the bitter ex-booty call.
So she went on to have two other children, all from different men. And baby number two, she doesn't know who the dad is, so she puts MY HUSBAND'S name on her welfare paperwork as being the dad. And the state of Florida made him take a paternity test! When he called her out on it, she's all "They must got yo name from my other case."
Yeah, right.
So, she still doesn't know who that kid's dad is.
Today is our court hearing and you know me, I managed to file a motion to appear telephonically. Muwahahahaha! You don't get to see my husband in person. We requested he not travel out of the county because I am nine months pregnant and the judge approved it.
So, at 11:30, we have a telephone hearing.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
And if you didn't already know, come see me on my work blog at gainesville moms dot com
You can win gift cards, even if you don't live in Gainesville. So, support me, please! Sign up and chat with some of the other bloggers who have made their way over there. Thanks! Oh and please come by and upload some pictures for my contest. Puhlleeeeaaaasssee!!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
37 weeks!
Wow. I cannot believe it. I am 37 weeks pregnant. Umm, again.
I went to see my mid-wife today. She is so, so cool. She didn't make me weigh-in. And then she didn't check me. Yay! I HATE being checked.
She told me that I could be induced if I was really that uncomfortable. But I cannot bare the pressure of me choosing my baby's birth day. That, and I truly believe that my body knows what to do with itself and with this little being. I have always believed that, in cases of low-risk pregnancies, moms should just let it happen.
Do you guys remember when I went two weeks over with Eli?! Maybe you do not, but I (ofcourse) totally do. So, this should be interesting. What is number four going to bring my way? And what will number four be? A boy, a girl? All of these surprises. It's kind of fun, but making the wait super hard.
Keep up with me. And if you haven't yet read about the lady who left her kids in the waiting room for me to babysit! You have got to read me at work. I mean, who does that? Can anyone tell me! And thanks Tina for stopping by the job blog. I totally agreed with your comment. Again, who does that?
Oh, and Melissa, where the heck are you?
Me, at work: g@inesville moms dot com
I went to see my mid-wife today. She is so, so cool. She didn't make me weigh-in. And then she didn't check me. Yay! I HATE being checked.
She told me that I could be induced if I was really that uncomfortable. But I cannot bare the pressure of me choosing my baby's birth day. That, and I truly believe that my body knows what to do with itself and with this little being. I have always believed that, in cases of low-risk pregnancies, moms should just let it happen.
Do you guys remember when I went two weeks over with Eli?! Maybe you do not, but I (ofcourse) totally do. So, this should be interesting. What is number four going to bring my way? And what will number four be? A boy, a girl? All of these surprises. It's kind of fun, but making the wait super hard.
Keep up with me. And if you haven't yet read about the lady who left her kids in the waiting room for me to babysit! You have got to read me at work. I mean, who does that? Can anyone tell me! And thanks Tina for stopping by the job blog. I totally agreed with your comment. Again, who does that?
Oh, and Melissa, where the heck are you?
Me, at work: g@inesville moms dot com
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Close talker...get away!
So I have been training the girl (and I don't know why I call her a girl. She is my age.) who will be taking over for me during maternity leave. She is driving me c-razy! "Pull up a chair," I tell her on day one.
By day two, I actually turned around and pushed her chair away from me. I didn't even care what she thought. I couldn't take it another minute. I tried to be cool. But, she was breathing on me and like, I could feel her breath on my arm! Maybe the regular Suzy could have handled that. Maaayyyybe. But, not the almost 9-month pregnant Suzy. No. I pushed her away and said "Look, I am sorry. I am a little claustrophobic."
And then I totally blamed it on the pregnancy. And then, when she started smacking her gum in my ear, I turned around and gave her the craziest look. "What, oh, is my gum-chewing bothering you?"
Yes! And you need to back up! Again, I pushed her away from me. You know, gently. But, why didn't she just understand the first time that I do not like people breathing on me. I don't even like when my own kids do that. So, yeah, the close-talker/trainee is driving me crazy. I am so glad that she will be in when I will be out.
By day two, I actually turned around and pushed her chair away from me. I didn't even care what she thought. I couldn't take it another minute. I tried to be cool. But, she was breathing on me and like, I could feel her breath on my arm! Maybe the regular Suzy could have handled that. Maaayyyybe. But, not the almost 9-month pregnant Suzy. No. I pushed her away and said "Look, I am sorry. I am a little claustrophobic."
And then I totally blamed it on the pregnancy. And then, when she started smacking her gum in my ear, I turned around and gave her the craziest look. "What, oh, is my gum-chewing bothering you?"
Yes! And you need to back up! Again, I pushed her away from me. You know, gently. But, why didn't she just understand the first time that I do not like people breathing on me. I don't even like when my own kids do that. So, yeah, the close-talker/trainee is driving me crazy. I am so glad that she will be in when I will be out.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Ahhhh..I'm liking the new look. I feel like I bought a new summer dress or something. Feels nice and breezy. Speaking of summer dresses, I just took my daughter shopping for her birthday outfit. I guess she's getting to that age where clothes are cooler than toys. I told her she could choose one thing - a toy or an outift and she chose the outfit.
We found the cutest cotton dress in Ross for $7.99! I didn't realize what great prices they had on kids' clothes. We also bought a pair of jelly shoes to match ($5.99) Tonight, we are going to buy some bracelets and a pair of earrings to top everything off. So much fun! I am so, so glad that I have a girl to do things like this with. I love that her dress matches our home-made invitations. (I'll post some pictures)
So next week is the birthday party - birthday number 7. This is the first time we have invited the whole class. It has always been you know, family and my friends and their kids. But this year it's different.
Well, I am going to do some more shopping and planning. I know I sound weird but I have a budget and I actually love the challenge of getting everything done, creatively, on a budget.
We found the cutest cotton dress in Ross for $7.99! I didn't realize what great prices they had on kids' clothes. We also bought a pair of jelly shoes to match ($5.99) Tonight, we are going to buy some bracelets and a pair of earrings to top everything off. So much fun! I am so, so glad that I have a girl to do things like this with. I love that her dress matches our home-made invitations. (I'll post some pictures)
So next week is the birthday party - birthday number 7. This is the first time we have invited the whole class. It has always been you know, family and my friends and their kids. But this year it's different.
Well, I am going to do some more shopping and planning. I know I sound weird but I have a budget and I actually love the challenge of getting everything done, creatively, on a budget.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Date night
Yesterday, I felt like I totally needed and deserved a date night when I got home from work. But with three kids (and the belly) where were we really going to go at the last minute? And so I decided the kids should go to bed a little bit early, I would take a steaming hot shower, get that bra off (yes! relief!) and we would order Chinese and watch a movie.
Date night for $12. Yep, that's all we spent. Hubby and I split our meal, something I like to do a lot. We split a thing of steamed dumplings, an egg roll, sweet-and-sour chicken and rice. It was scrumptious in all its greasiness. (Which is why I rarely do Chinese.) But I had this intense craving around lunchtime that I never got to fulfill.
We began watching the Democratic debate, but I refused to spend date night that way. Come on, you know I had to treat this like a real date, right? And so we watched a movie of his choice, one we had around the house but had never watched. (Or I had never watched.)
He promised it was not an action movie, and so I was okay with investing my time into the lives of these characters. Who has seen The Departed? So, for two hours, I watched this cop-gone-bad/mob-guy-undercover movie. I couldn't follow the storyline because there was so much going on. Finally there was a love interest, who ended up getting pregnant from Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio's character, I am still not sure which one. And then in the last five minutes of the show, all of the characters get blown away.
No, no action at all. I was so mad. "I just invested my time into all these characters and this is it? They're just all dead...heads blown off?! Okay, this is why I watch movies like the Notebook."
Well, it was around midnight when we went to bed. I didn't let him touch me, lol. Because my body is so achy. And so instead of actually having sex, I dreamt about it. Okay, I guess that's the next best thing. But not for him, eh?
In a few hours, I go to my doc appointment. I have four weeks left. Can you believe it?! I'll give you an update, either here or on the mom site. Am I getting hard to keep up with? Yeah, I can barely keep up with myself these days...
Date night for $12. Yep, that's all we spent. Hubby and I split our meal, something I like to do a lot. We split a thing of steamed dumplings, an egg roll, sweet-and-sour chicken and rice. It was scrumptious in all its greasiness. (Which is why I rarely do Chinese.) But I had this intense craving around lunchtime that I never got to fulfill.
We began watching the Democratic debate, but I refused to spend date night that way. Come on, you know I had to treat this like a real date, right? And so we watched a movie of his choice, one we had around the house but had never watched. (Or I had never watched.)
He promised it was not an action movie, and so I was okay with investing my time into the lives of these characters. Who has seen The Departed? So, for two hours, I watched this cop-gone-bad/mob-guy-undercover movie. I couldn't follow the storyline because there was so much going on. Finally there was a love interest, who ended up getting pregnant from Matt Damon or Leonardo DiCaprio's character, I am still not sure which one. And then in the last five minutes of the show, all of the characters get blown away.
No, no action at all. I was so mad. "I just invested my time into all these characters and this is it? They're just all dead...heads blown off?! Okay, this is why I watch movies like the Notebook."
Well, it was around midnight when we went to bed. I didn't let him touch me, lol. Because my body is so achy. And so instead of actually having sex, I dreamt about it. Okay, I guess that's the next best thing. But not for him, eh?
In a few hours, I go to my doc appointment. I have four weeks left. Can you believe it?! I'll give you an update, either here or on the mom site. Am I getting hard to keep up with? Yeah, I can barely keep up with myself these days...
Monday, February 18, 2008
I suck
as a blogger lately. Maybe it's because I am huge and fat and canhardleybreathe!
I don't know. I just haven't been really inspired to write anything lately. I almost do not want to write anything lately because I feel like I have this love-hate relationship with writing. I absolutely love to do it; but I am struggling to do it professionally and make ends meet. And that makes me wish I was a nurse or something; anything other than an aspiring writer. Yes, I think I should label myself aspiring until I can even make a living.
As far as work goes, I think I am going to stay at my job until I have this baby. Which, okay, is only a few weeks. And then, I will be looking for full-time work elsewhere. It's hard because I love my work place, except for a few evil people..hehe. But things are really bad in newsrooms everywhere. People just don;t buy newspapers anymore, but why buy them when you can get the info. free online?
Lastweek, they fired (or let go) a women who has been in the newsroom for 35 years! She just walked out and has refused to come back to the office. She asked someone else to box up her items. Imagine cleaning out your desk after 35 years.
I remember when I wanted so badly to be married, how my heart felt. And that is exactly how I feel about being settled these days. I just want a great job that I love that pays me well so my family can be settled. I am so tired of trying to make ends meet. I am tired of the what-ifs, of barely scraping by. I am just...
tired.
And I want to be settled.
I don't know. I just haven't been really inspired to write anything lately. I almost do not want to write anything lately because I feel like I have this love-hate relationship with writing. I absolutely love to do it; but I am struggling to do it professionally and make ends meet. And that makes me wish I was a nurse or something; anything other than an aspiring writer. Yes, I think I should label myself aspiring until I can even make a living.
As far as work goes, I think I am going to stay at my job until I have this baby. Which, okay, is only a few weeks. And then, I will be looking for full-time work elsewhere. It's hard because I love my work place, except for a few evil people..hehe. But things are really bad in newsrooms everywhere. People just don;t buy newspapers anymore, but why buy them when you can get the info. free online?
Lastweek, they fired (or let go) a women who has been in the newsroom for 35 years! She just walked out and has refused to come back to the office. She asked someone else to box up her items. Imagine cleaning out your desk after 35 years.
I remember when I wanted so badly to be married, how my heart felt. And that is exactly how I feel about being settled these days. I just want a great job that I love that pays me well so my family can be settled. I am so tired of trying to make ends meet. I am tired of the what-ifs, of barely scraping by. I am just...
tired.
And I want to be settled.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The crazy phone call explained...
Turns out that my husband had planned a surprise baby shower for me! Only my friend, G, thought that I had called her for directions to my baby shower - to a baby shower she was not invited to. Hahahaha. Now we can all sit back and laugh, right?
I have to say that he totally spoiled me. And since I already wrote about it, I will just send you that way:)
gainesville moms dot com
See the blog!
Oh, and check out my thread of The Child Care Crisis. It was getting pretty heated the last time I checked...
I have to say that he totally spoiled me. And since I already wrote about it, I will just send you that way:)
gainesville moms dot com
See the blog!
Oh, and check out my thread of The Child Care Crisis. It was getting pretty heated the last time I checked...
Monday, February 11, 2008
Be sure to...
take the poll on my web site if you are a mom, and if you have ever thrown a birthday party. The two kind of go hand-in-hand, don't they? Oh, yes and I figured out that CRAZY phone call I got my girlfriend. Will blog that either tonight or tomorrow. My body just aches so much right now. I need a soft bed:)
Go take the poll....
gainesville moms dot com
Go take the poll....
gainesville moms dot com
Friday, February 8, 2008
Stuck on 45.
Oh, the web site. Thank you guys soooo much for registering, those of you who did. And PLEASE -- if you registered, but I didn't email you the name, please let me know. I may have lost a couple of people in the shuffle of things and those were not my intentions.
The deal is that this week, I have been kind of stuck on 45 registered members and you know, I have been watching it like a hawk. But that's cool. I just need to network myself. My friend asked me the other day if I would send her an email every day to nudge her to check out the site.
"No, I will not," I said.
"But if it's about your numbers..."
"I want your support, but only if you are genuinely interested," I said.
People who register once and never come back actually hurt me because they expect so many hits and comments per registered user per month. So, I just can't win...lol.
Although it has been really cool to connect with some of you guys on the mom site. I have really enjoyed it.
Today, I called the mortgage company, as in the executive office. Someone finally called me back and we discussed what happened to my husband - how he now has a foreclosure on his credit because of their shady practices.
"Well it says here that we needed more documentation and we never received it," she said.
"Actually, you received everything. But, by the way, what was the information you needed? I'd like to know."
"It doesn't say in the file."
They apparently needed it so badly that they never documented what they needed. I see.
Only problem and this was a HUGE problem: My realtor had destroyed our file after the foreclosure so our hands were tied. We couldn't prove what we had sent in and when. And their file said differently.
DAMN. IT!
Only.......I am so amazing that I made copies of everything, including the deposit check from the pre-approved buyers with dates, showing when and where we faxed our information. A-ha! I don't even remember why I made the copies, but I did.
So, I tell her, "Okay, I see you cannot help me. But I have copies of everything from that file...the check, dates, faxes, names...and I suppose we will have to get your records subpoenaed as well. I will be in touch with my attorney. I was just hoping to resolve this with you guys first..."
"Well, what resolution do you want?"
Oh, now she wants to talk. I see.
I want the foreclosure OFF of my husband's credit report. It should not be there based on what happened.
She said she would look into it and call me back within a week.
Yes, we are getting somewhere! And if they do nothing, it sounds like we really have a good case on our hands. Although, I do not want to go through the headache of actually getting an attorney. If they can magically erase their mistake from the credit report, then we are good. I am praying that it goes that smoothly. I am thinking they are more worried about covering their butts than anything else.
And since I have the proof...them covering their butts may just work out to our benefit. Thank you , Lord!
The deal is that this week, I have been kind of stuck on 45 registered members and you know, I have been watching it like a hawk. But that's cool. I just need to network myself. My friend asked me the other day if I would send her an email every day to nudge her to check out the site.
"No, I will not," I said.
"But if it's about your numbers..."
"I want your support, but only if you are genuinely interested," I said.
People who register once and never come back actually hurt me because they expect so many hits and comments per registered user per month. So, I just can't win...lol.
Although it has been really cool to connect with some of you guys on the mom site. I have really enjoyed it.
Today, I called the mortgage company, as in the executive office. Someone finally called me back and we discussed what happened to my husband - how he now has a foreclosure on his credit because of their shady practices.
"Well it says here that we needed more documentation and we never received it," she said.
"Actually, you received everything. But, by the way, what was the information you needed? I'd like to know."
"It doesn't say in the file."
They apparently needed it so badly that they never documented what they needed. I see.
Only problem and this was a HUGE problem: My realtor had destroyed our file after the foreclosure so our hands were tied. We couldn't prove what we had sent in and when. And their file said differently.
DAMN. IT!
Only.......I am so amazing that I made copies of everything, including the deposit check from the pre-approved buyers with dates, showing when and where we faxed our information. A-ha! I don't even remember why I made the copies, but I did.
So, I tell her, "Okay, I see you cannot help me. But I have copies of everything from that file...the check, dates, faxes, names...and I suppose we will have to get your records subpoenaed as well. I will be in touch with my attorney. I was just hoping to resolve this with you guys first..."
"Well, what resolution do you want?"
Oh, now she wants to talk. I see.
I want the foreclosure OFF of my husband's credit report. It should not be there based on what happened.
She said she would look into it and call me back within a week.
Yes, we are getting somewhere! And if they do nothing, it sounds like we really have a good case on our hands. Although, I do not want to go through the headache of actually getting an attorney. If they can magically erase their mistake from the credit report, then we are good. I am praying that it goes that smoothly. I am thinking they are more worried about covering their butts than anything else.
And since I have the proof...them covering their butts may just work out to our benefit. Thank you , Lord!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Someone is playing a mean trick on me...
Everything is just annoying me today! I seriously think it may be because of the pregnancy -- that girl in church the other day who kept smacking her gum! My co-worker who kicks his desk like a 5-year-old, constantly as if he is drumming out some beat. And then my friend G calls me at work today, and so I answer:
"Suzy, what did you do this weekend?"
"I don't know..stuff. Why? Wait, you sound like you are mad. What's the deal?"
"Well, I am kind of mad at you. But, I need you to tell me what you did this weekend..."
"Umm, went to the park, a kids' birthday party, a health fair, church...Wait, why?"
"Well, maybe it wasn't you then. Maybe I am wrong."
"Seriously, tell me what you are talking about."
"No, I can't. Oh, I gotta go. I'll call you back."
She doesn't call back and so I call her.
"You seriously need to tell me what you are talking about."
"No, I can't. It must have been a mistake."
"Okay, I will not be offended. But, I will be offended it you don't tell me."
"Ummm, okay, you never said thank you for me giving you directions to the health fair."
"First of all, yes, I did say thank you. I remember that vividly. And second of all, you are bs'ing me. You are totally lying. You would never call me about that..."
And that was it. She had to go again.
So, I'm driving home, thinking, what? Did someone think they saw me with another man? Or like falling on my face drunk in a bar? I don't know. It was a really bizarre phone call - unlike any I have ever had from her before. She's just not one to be weird.
So, maybe someone, maybe God, maybe the universe, is playing a mean trick on me. When she shows up to the Super Bowl party, there will be no food. When she shows up to the family group, she will have to sit in a prayer circle, with a bunch of quiet wall-flowers; oh and when she answers her phone at work, it will be G, asking her what the hell she did this weekend but refusing to explain.
Maybe God is just having some fun with me because I am big and miserable and pregnant. And please do not add to my list of things to get annoyed about by responding that "God would never..." I am not being super-religious here. But, you would have to know my personality to get that.
Anyone care to join in on the fun?
"Suzy, what did you do this weekend?"
"I don't know..stuff. Why? Wait, you sound like you are mad. What's the deal?"
"Well, I am kind of mad at you. But, I need you to tell me what you did this weekend..."
"Umm, went to the park, a kids' birthday party, a health fair, church...Wait, why?"
"Well, maybe it wasn't you then. Maybe I am wrong."
"Seriously, tell me what you are talking about."
"No, I can't. Oh, I gotta go. I'll call you back."
She doesn't call back and so I call her.
"You seriously need to tell me what you are talking about."
"No, I can't. It must have been a mistake."
"Okay, I will not be offended. But, I will be offended it you don't tell me."
"Ummm, okay, you never said thank you for me giving you directions to the health fair."
"First of all, yes, I did say thank you. I remember that vividly. And second of all, you are bs'ing me. You are totally lying. You would never call me about that..."
And that was it. She had to go again.
So, I'm driving home, thinking, what? Did someone think they saw me with another man? Or like falling on my face drunk in a bar? I don't know. It was a really bizarre phone call - unlike any I have ever had from her before. She's just not one to be weird.
So, maybe someone, maybe God, maybe the universe, is playing a mean trick on me. When she shows up to the Super Bowl party, there will be no food. When she shows up to the family group, she will have to sit in a prayer circle, with a bunch of quiet wall-flowers; oh and when she answers her phone at work, it will be G, asking her what the hell she did this weekend but refusing to explain.
Maybe God is just having some fun with me because I am big and miserable and pregnant. And please do not add to my list of things to get annoyed about by responding that "God would never..." I am not being super-religious here. But, you would have to know my personality to get that.
Anyone care to join in on the fun?
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Super Bowl "gathering..."
Just got home from a Super Bowl party that turned out to be more of a "gathering."
I think that Scott and Melissa spoiled us in South Carolina. When they said party, they meant it. They would have tons and tons of good food, drinks (although Melissa and I were always pregnant...lol) and we'd just relax. I always felt super comfortable. But honestly, it all begins with food. I know that sounds crazy, but our pastor today was talking about how Jesus did his greatest miracles around food and how when there is food, people relax and really open up.
So, we went to this church group last weekend - Sunday at 6 p.m. We called to ask what kind of dish to bring. They said "don't bring a thing!" I took this to mean that oh, you guys are new. Let us feed you.
So, we walk in around 6:30 p.m. with three hungry kids and two very hungry adults and there is one bag of chips on the counter top. No food cooking, nothing. I looked at my husband in desperation - I had skipped lunch because I figured I'd really eat a good dinner.
There was a diet coke bottle and potato chips and I wanted to just pass out. The women immediatley split into a separate group. There were 5 of us. While the men were in the living room laughing it up, we were in the bedroom...in a prayer circle. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to pray. But I had never met these women before and I was STARVING. I kept thinking about what I was going to eat when I got home.
It was way too quiet. There were like these long moments of silence, when someone would wait for someone else to begin praying. After an hour, I excused myself "to check on the baby," and to search the diaper bag for a granola bar, gold fish, cracker, banana, anything. There was nothing.
30 minutes later, the women were finally wrapping up. It was 8 p.m. I thought it was over when, we began Bible study. I gave my husband the look - pregnant woman needing to eat NOW! Eli was super cranky. He needed food, too; and at that point, I told my husband we needed to go.
I just couldn't make the baby wait for food.
At home, we all scarfed down our dinner. And I thought, never again can I do that. Hubby later called the husband over the group and as they chatted, he asked him...so, do you guys ever do food? (I mean, we are a family group with about 8 kids and we meet at dinner time.)
And he said that they NEVER do food. Okay, what? Are you serious?
I know maybe I sound really stuck up about this, but I am not being funny, I am just being a mommy. 5:30 is too early too eat if we try to do so before-hand; and 8:30 is WAY too late.
So, the same group was having a Super Bowl party. And if you say party, I think food. I just can't help myself. We brought a huge dish of Voila! - you know, the chicken and noodles and vegetables.
Well, aside from a couple (and that means like 2!) dishes of appetizers, that was it. It was actually the only real food there unless you count the potato chips and the diet soda.
I thought to myself, I am never coming back. So here I am, at home, eating a bowl of cereal to tame my grouchy tummy.
And I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, I just take things like this and they become lessons for me. Maybe one day, we will lead some kind of group and I will know to serve food. Food is very, very important - especially at dinner time and if you throw the word party in the mix.
I had gone over there with intentions of taking pictures of our party to post on the mom site since I have been asking other people to do so. And I got nothing! If you have anything, feel free to share them on my mom site. I may be hearing crickets on this one, since I couldn't even produce pictures....
I think that Scott and Melissa spoiled us in South Carolina. When they said party, they meant it. They would have tons and tons of good food, drinks (although Melissa and I were always pregnant...lol) and we'd just relax. I always felt super comfortable. But honestly, it all begins with food. I know that sounds crazy, but our pastor today was talking about how Jesus did his greatest miracles around food and how when there is food, people relax and really open up.
So, we went to this church group last weekend - Sunday at 6 p.m. We called to ask what kind of dish to bring. They said "don't bring a thing!" I took this to mean that oh, you guys are new. Let us feed you.
So, we walk in around 6:30 p.m. with three hungry kids and two very hungry adults and there is one bag of chips on the counter top. No food cooking, nothing. I looked at my husband in desperation - I had skipped lunch because I figured I'd really eat a good dinner.
There was a diet coke bottle and potato chips and I wanted to just pass out. The women immediatley split into a separate group. There were 5 of us. While the men were in the living room laughing it up, we were in the bedroom...in a prayer circle. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to pray. But I had never met these women before and I was STARVING. I kept thinking about what I was going to eat when I got home.
It was way too quiet. There were like these long moments of silence, when someone would wait for someone else to begin praying. After an hour, I excused myself "to check on the baby," and to search the diaper bag for a granola bar, gold fish, cracker, banana, anything. There was nothing.
30 minutes later, the women were finally wrapping up. It was 8 p.m. I thought it was over when, we began Bible study. I gave my husband the look - pregnant woman needing to eat NOW! Eli was super cranky. He needed food, too; and at that point, I told my husband we needed to go.
I just couldn't make the baby wait for food.
At home, we all scarfed down our dinner. And I thought, never again can I do that. Hubby later called the husband over the group and as they chatted, he asked him...so, do you guys ever do food? (I mean, we are a family group with about 8 kids and we meet at dinner time.)
And he said that they NEVER do food. Okay, what? Are you serious?
I know maybe I sound really stuck up about this, but I am not being funny, I am just being a mommy. 5:30 is too early too eat if we try to do so before-hand; and 8:30 is WAY too late.
So, the same group was having a Super Bowl party. And if you say party, I think food. I just can't help myself. We brought a huge dish of Voila! - you know, the chicken and noodles and vegetables.
Well, aside from a couple (and that means like 2!) dishes of appetizers, that was it. It was actually the only real food there unless you count the potato chips and the diet soda.
I thought to myself, I am never coming back. So here I am, at home, eating a bowl of cereal to tame my grouchy tummy.
And I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, I just take things like this and they become lessons for me. Maybe one day, we will lead some kind of group and I will know to serve food. Food is very, very important - especially at dinner time and if you throw the word party in the mix.
I had gone over there with intentions of taking pictures of our party to post on the mom site since I have been asking other people to do so. And I got nothing! If you have anything, feel free to share them on my mom site. I may be hearing crickets on this one, since I couldn't even produce pictures....
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Do I have any right?
Grrrr..I am feeling super frustrated, but don't really know if I am just expecting too much from people or what. Yes, I have heard that if you don't expect anything at all, that you will never be disappointed.
But, shouldn't you expect things from the friends in your life?
So everyone knows about my mom site. And I mean, they plastered it in the paper with my picture and are continuing to do ads and stuff. I get calls from friends who say, I saw the ad. And I tell them, go check it out and sign up. (As in, this is my job, you guys. Please be supportive.)
And L, I am not talking about you since you are not a mom. I mean, you are telling other moms and word-of-mouth is exactly what I need.
But I told a close friend of mine to sign up. Because, you know, I would totally do it for her, and when she didn't...I just figured, well she's never online. That is, until she called and said "I saw your message about the site on My Space."
Well, there goes that excuse.
I don't know, there are only like a few people that have kind of let me down. Simply because I know the kind of friend I am. I know I would do anything any one of these girls asked me to do. In a heart beat. And then, I get this overwhelming support from my online people and it's like...but, come on, you guys are my real life friends. What is the deal?
So, I am leaving it alone. Just needed to vent, I guess. And maybe I shouldn't expect certain things from friends, but I do expect some level of support. And it's not even about me getting more people registered. It's really about the action of doing it as a symbol of support -- not in the name of numbers, but in the name of friendship.
But, shouldn't you expect things from the friends in your life?
So everyone knows about my mom site. And I mean, they plastered it in the paper with my picture and are continuing to do ads and stuff. I get calls from friends who say, I saw the ad. And I tell them, go check it out and sign up. (As in, this is my job, you guys. Please be supportive.)
And L, I am not talking about you since you are not a mom. I mean, you are telling other moms and word-of-mouth is exactly what I need.
But I told a close friend of mine to sign up. Because, you know, I would totally do it for her, and when she didn't...I just figured, well she's never online. That is, until she called and said "I saw your message about the site on My Space."
Well, there goes that excuse.
I don't know, there are only like a few people that have kind of let me down. Simply because I know the kind of friend I am. I know I would do anything any one of these girls asked me to do. In a heart beat. And then, I get this overwhelming support from my online people and it's like...but, come on, you guys are my real life friends. What is the deal?
So, I am leaving it alone. Just needed to vent, I guess. And maybe I shouldn't expect certain things from friends, but I do expect some level of support. And it's not even about me getting more people registered. It's really about the action of doing it as a symbol of support -- not in the name of numbers, but in the name of friendship.
Friday, February 1, 2008
No pressure...no pressure at all.
So, the mom site has been up for a few weeks and today, I met with our online editor. We chit-chatted for a few minutes before she broke it down for me: They are seriously, seriously watching my traffic. She told me about projected hits - unique visitors, page views, registered members - she wanted during the month of February. Said she was looking to have 10,000 page views; an estimated 8 posts per member per month; and double the number of registered members.
Yikes.
And then she gave me this whole spiel about how "I cannot stress to you how great this is for you for visibility. I mean, staff writers don't get this kind of visibility. You have the publisher watching this site like a hawk and that's because MJ has said that we are going to have these mom sites and they are going to be successful...and when MJ says jump, all of the publishers say how high?"
Yikes.
"Okay, now that I have instilled the fear of God in you..." she says, laughing.
I, too, was laughing. "No, no, that's great. I love being visible. I eat it up."
"Well, if this is successful, you have no idea how good this can be for you..."
But you know me, I stopped leaning on the what-ifs a while ago - professionally at least.
So, all that to say...YIKES.
So, who is MJ? Just one of the top, top dogs at the NY Times. What's funny, is that I hear she reads my blog. Not this one, though. Heh.
Yikes.
And then she gave me this whole spiel about how "I cannot stress to you how great this is for you for visibility. I mean, staff writers don't get this kind of visibility. You have the publisher watching this site like a hawk and that's because MJ has said that we are going to have these mom sites and they are going to be successful...and when MJ says jump, all of the publishers say how high?"
Yikes.
"Okay, now that I have instilled the fear of God in you..." she says, laughing.
I, too, was laughing. "No, no, that's great. I love being visible. I eat it up."
"Well, if this is successful, you have no idea how good this can be for you..."
But you know me, I stopped leaning on the what-ifs a while ago - professionally at least.
So, all that to say...YIKES.
So, who is MJ? Just one of the top, top dogs at the NY Times. What's funny, is that I hear she reads my blog. Not this one, though. Heh.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Holly...
I emailed you the secret name, but the email bounced right back. So, no I am not forgetting you. I couldn't track you down though...email me at faithinfloridablog at yahoo dotcom, and I will email you right back. Thanks so much for the support!!!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Please help me!
A part of my new job is as editor of this new mom site. There are four of us - four papers owned by the New York Times that have launched a new mom site, which means there are four mom site editors. And even though we have been launched by the same company, we are our own competition.
You know how that goes right. In-house competition? So, I just started posting; we just started advertising and all that good stuff, when I get this email yesterday. "I'm a little concerned that things are slow on your site...Go take a look at what your competition is doing..." errrrrrr.
It's kind of like a blog, though. It takes a little while for people to really know you are there; and it takes even longer for people to connect with you, if it is going to happen at all.
So, I am reaching out to my moms (and women) online. This is a local resource for moms in my area, but you know-- it's still me-- with a blog and I am talking about things that every mom can relate to. I wanted moms not just from G-ville to be able to be a part of this; but from all over the world. We'll just call that my own vision.
Many of you know about the struggles I have been going through at work - trying to find my place as a writer and being super frustrated as the doors keep closing in my face. The good news in my mind is that I feel like I have made an online presence for myself with the blog and I am hoping this will be even bigger.
One of the presidents of the company, a woman, decided she really wanted to do these mom sites after a meeting between NYT and Boston Globe. She is the president of the entire southeastern division of the NYT. So, I really feel like this is my time to do something regardless of....well, let's leave it at that.
So here is where you come in. And, of course, I want this to be genuine as always. I am kind of recruiting moms to come to my site. And although you will be doing me a huge favor; I hope to return the favor over there. I think we can have a lot of fun with this.
You have to register, but it's really simple. Here's an added bonus: you get to see the picture that I HATE! that they have plastered all over the place - in ads, on the site. They put up the wrong picture, but that is lower on the list of priorities for the design guys. But, on the top of my list, right?
The photo guy, I swear, made me pose. And I am so not a poser. You won't find any glam shots in my livingroom. I like the sweeter, much lower key picture. Hopefully, soon to be up. Plus, look at how big I look!!
So if you are on your way to inspect my ginormous picture that I hate, please do me a favor and register as well. You don't even have to be a mom...I will be looking for you guys.
The first 20 to sign up get free glamour shots on me....hahahaha.
Okay, okay, so you really want to make things interesting? Hmmm. I am thinking. Okay, so my husband is in LOVE with this name for the baby. In love, as in "God told me that was supposed to be the name." I do not totally agree. Although, I'm kind of cool with it. Here's the deal...whenever I tell a friend the name, they say, WHAT are you naming you baby? WHAT?!
And I am at the point, because I am so annoyed by people, that I just want to do it - just to piss them off even more. Heh. So, if you register, I promise to tell you the name. I know it's not much, but it's not like I can pass out giftcards. Oh, and by the way, the name WILL NOT be revealed on this site after the baby is born. I have decided not to do that, because - trust me - there will only be one of these in the world. Yeah, I don't really know what I am getting myself into.
(He had to pull the "God Told Me" card, right?)
So, here are the instructions: Register and then introduce yourself under TALK. That is how I will know you registered and that is your ticket to the name:-) Make sure you include an email here (under comments) so that I know where to send you the secret name:-) Sometimes tracking down an email can be very tricky on certain web sites. So, please make this easy for me.
And for bonus points: Add an avatar, please!! You can find the directions (very, very easy) under talk and then under FAQ's. But really, really, I want to stress to you that I appreciate the support!
The site is gainesville moms dot com
You know how that goes right. In-house competition? So, I just started posting; we just started advertising and all that good stuff, when I get this email yesterday. "I'm a little concerned that things are slow on your site...Go take a look at what your competition is doing..." errrrrrr.
It's kind of like a blog, though. It takes a little while for people to really know you are there; and it takes even longer for people to connect with you, if it is going to happen at all.
So, I am reaching out to my moms (and women) online. This is a local resource for moms in my area, but you know-- it's still me-- with a blog and I am talking about things that every mom can relate to. I wanted moms not just from G-ville to be able to be a part of this; but from all over the world. We'll just call that my own vision.
Many of you know about the struggles I have been going through at work - trying to find my place as a writer and being super frustrated as the doors keep closing in my face. The good news in my mind is that I feel like I have made an online presence for myself with the blog and I am hoping this will be even bigger.
One of the presidents of the company, a woman, decided she really wanted to do these mom sites after a meeting between NYT and Boston Globe. She is the president of the entire southeastern division of the NYT. So, I really feel like this is my time to do something regardless of....well, let's leave it at that.
So here is where you come in. And, of course, I want this to be genuine as always. I am kind of recruiting moms to come to my site. And although you will be doing me a huge favor; I hope to return the favor over there. I think we can have a lot of fun with this.
You have to register, but it's really simple. Here's an added bonus: you get to see the picture that I HATE! that they have plastered all over the place - in ads, on the site. They put up the wrong picture, but that is lower on the list of priorities for the design guys. But, on the top of my list, right?
The photo guy, I swear, made me pose. And I am so not a poser. You won't find any glam shots in my livingroom. I like the sweeter, much lower key picture. Hopefully, soon to be up. Plus, look at how big I look!!
So if you are on your way to inspect my ginormous picture that I hate, please do me a favor and register as well. You don't even have to be a mom...I will be looking for you guys.
The first 20 to sign up get free glamour shots on me....hahahaha.
Okay, okay, so you really want to make things interesting? Hmmm. I am thinking. Okay, so my husband is in LOVE with this name for the baby. In love, as in "God told me that was supposed to be the name." I do not totally agree. Although, I'm kind of cool with it. Here's the deal...whenever I tell a friend the name, they say, WHAT are you naming you baby? WHAT?!
And I am at the point, because I am so annoyed by people, that I just want to do it - just to piss them off even more. Heh. So, if you register, I promise to tell you the name. I know it's not much, but it's not like I can pass out giftcards. Oh, and by the way, the name WILL NOT be revealed on this site after the baby is born. I have decided not to do that, because - trust me - there will only be one of these in the world. Yeah, I don't really know what I am getting myself into.
(He had to pull the "God Told Me" card, right?)
So, here are the instructions: Register and then introduce yourself under TALK. That is how I will know you registered and that is your ticket to the name:-) Make sure you include an email here (under comments) so that I know where to send you the secret name:-) Sometimes tracking down an email can be very tricky on certain web sites. So, please make this easy for me.
And for bonus points: Add an avatar, please!! You can find the directions (very, very easy) under talk and then under FAQ's. But really, really, I want to stress to you that I appreciate the support!
The site is gainesville moms dot com
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Rainy day...
Rain, rain, go away. Or should I say tears, tears go away.
Today, was such a bad, sad, mad day. To understand this completely, you would have had to read my secret post. And let me first of all apologize to any and every one who requested the password, only to be disappointed that the post was not about sex or cheating or lying or anything top secret like that. I should have called it protected post. (And I know most of my readers were not disappointed that there was nothing steamy, but a few were and I'll just leave it at that.)
Mainly, I needed support but couldn't explain the situation because I couldn't risk a certain person (who it is about) reading it. The results could have been devastating and look, I need to put food on the table, okay?
So I am going to finish this post as a protected post, not a top-secret post. Same password.
Today, was such a bad, sad, mad day. To understand this completely, you would have had to read my secret post. And let me first of all apologize to any and every one who requested the password, only to be disappointed that the post was not about sex or cheating or lying or anything top secret like that. I should have called it protected post. (And I know most of my readers were not disappointed that there was nothing steamy, but a few were and I'll just leave it at that.)
Mainly, I needed support but couldn't explain the situation because I couldn't risk a certain person (who it is about) reading it. The results could have been devastating and look, I need to put food on the table, okay?
So I am going to finish this post as a protected post, not a top-secret post. Same password.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Changes...
Well, I have decided that since I now have multiple blogs...I am going to post titles here if the post is a duplicate one. I usually write two versions - one for you guys and one for the mom blog. But unless there are some juicy details that I really need to write about, please read my posts over at my mom blog - and even comment there. I read all of the comments.
Oh, and you want to hear something funny? In my recent post titles "Walking down the aisle...8 months pregnant," I got the FUNNIEST comment from a Mrs. Branch. And this is how I know that we have Christianity all wrong. I immediately imagined that she was some Bible-toting church lady. You'll see what I mean. I could be wrong, but it's just what was in my head. (Which, by the way, is not always right at all!)
So, here is your title for this week. Enjoy:
"Craving food and friends."
You can find it at mom blog at g@inesville dot com
Oh, and you want to hear something funny? In my recent post titles "Walking down the aisle...8 months pregnant," I got the FUNNIEST comment from a Mrs. Branch. And this is how I know that we have Christianity all wrong. I immediately imagined that she was some Bible-toting church lady. You'll see what I mean. I could be wrong, but it's just what was in my head. (Which, by the way, is not always right at all!)
So, here is your title for this week. Enjoy:
"Craving food and friends."
You can find it at mom blog at g@inesville dot com
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I can finally breathe!
Sort of. Though, this baby in not helping any.
Mentally, the last two weeks have been especially draining. Last week, I was in a wedding and this week, I had a baby shower in Jacksonville to go to. And in between, I had one magazine feature, one magazine news story and a couple of news pieces at the paper. I simply wanted to hide under my blankies, when I got two last-minute freelance requests. One was from a brand new editor, who I have never worked with. You know, I can never say no even when I am swamped - because those checks always save us.
I woke up Friday morning and said "I do not want to do this day." I gave myself about an hour before I forced myself to sit in front of my computer and stare at a blank screen. And then I started feeling like crap, and ended up calling into work. Which, probably was for the better, since I had just forced myself to stay home - something I needed to do with this story.
By late Friday, I was wrapping up a meticulous feature story and my body was just begging me to stop. This morning, though, my step-sister was having her baby shower (we are only two weeks apart!); and since she is moving to Ohio in two weeks, I knew I couldn't miss it. I rushed around, trying to get the boys ready to go to Grandma's; picking up a gift; and grabbing lunch before leaving town a full hour late.
The shower was at 1:30; I showed up at 2:30. But when another girl showed up at 3:45 for a 1:30 shower, I didn't feel so bad. Of course, I stuffed myself. Jessica, my step-sister, kept telling people "She's having her fourth! Doesn't she look great?!"
And I kept thinking, have you seen my profile lately? I feel super fat, and those pictures we just took, I think they are my proof. Heh. We - my daughter and I - stayed until about 5, playing games, eating, chatting...you know, girl stuff.
I stepped out the door to leave and felt like Jessica had brought Ohio to us. It was freeeeeeezing and rainy and grey and soggy. Yucky! The rain pounded the windshield and I could barely see two feet in front of me. My phone rang.
"The weather's really, really bad," he said. "Be careful."
"Well, I'm sure talking on my cell phone doesn't help any."
It was my husband. Funny thing is that I knew he would call to check on me. Lately, he has been super sweet and super, just caring. I don't know what to think, the little girl in me thinks it's almost laughable that someone cares about me so deeply. But I absolutely embrace it.
When I got home, he greeted me with a "Hello beautiful."
"Hello bountiful," I said back to him. "What?"
"Bountiful, as in a lot."
"A lot of what?"
"A lot of good stuff."
It's good to be us again.
Mentally, the last two weeks have been especially draining. Last week, I was in a wedding and this week, I had a baby shower in Jacksonville to go to. And in between, I had one magazine feature, one magazine news story and a couple of news pieces at the paper. I simply wanted to hide under my blankies, when I got two last-minute freelance requests. One was from a brand new editor, who I have never worked with. You know, I can never say no even when I am swamped - because those checks always save us.
I woke up Friday morning and said "I do not want to do this day." I gave myself about an hour before I forced myself to sit in front of my computer and stare at a blank screen. And then I started feeling like crap, and ended up calling into work. Which, probably was for the better, since I had just forced myself to stay home - something I needed to do with this story.
By late Friday, I was wrapping up a meticulous feature story and my body was just begging me to stop. This morning, though, my step-sister was having her baby shower (we are only two weeks apart!); and since she is moving to Ohio in two weeks, I knew I couldn't miss it. I rushed around, trying to get the boys ready to go to Grandma's; picking up a gift; and grabbing lunch before leaving town a full hour late.
The shower was at 1:30; I showed up at 2:30. But when another girl showed up at 3:45 for a 1:30 shower, I didn't feel so bad. Of course, I stuffed myself. Jessica, my step-sister, kept telling people "She's having her fourth! Doesn't she look great?!"
And I kept thinking, have you seen my profile lately? I feel super fat, and those pictures we just took, I think they are my proof. Heh. We - my daughter and I - stayed until about 5, playing games, eating, chatting...you know, girl stuff.
I stepped out the door to leave and felt like Jessica had brought Ohio to us. It was freeeeeeezing and rainy and grey and soggy. Yucky! The rain pounded the windshield and I could barely see two feet in front of me. My phone rang.
"The weather's really, really bad," he said. "Be careful."
"Well, I'm sure talking on my cell phone doesn't help any."
It was my husband. Funny thing is that I knew he would call to check on me. Lately, he has been super sweet and super, just caring. I don't know what to think, the little girl in me thinks it's almost laughable that someone cares about me so deeply. But I absolutely embrace it.
When I got home, he greeted me with a "Hello beautiful."
"Hello bountiful," I said back to him. "What?"
"Bountiful, as in a lot."
"A lot of what?"
"A lot of good stuff."
It's good to be us again.
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